Each Mothers Day, I reflect on my mom job over the past year. Together my 13-year-old and I have evolved, laughed, screamed, shared our lives and of course had times of tension and frustration. My biggest learning this year is that I am the glue, the core of the family, the mother tree. I didn't sign up for this, I wasn't prepared for this and I don't think many moms are. But, after talking to lots of other women, this seems to be a role that we take on - or better stated is given to us.
What does it mean to be the mother tree? I'm the strength of the family. The family is functioning and all is good when my mojo is pulsing strong. Yet, when I falter emotionally, my family starts to slide. I can fake being happy, pretend issues aren't impacting me, but intuitively my kid knows that something is up and starts to act out or get down. When I am good, she is good. When I am off, she starts to have temper tantrums and push the limits of the house rules.
I now believe there is an intuitive bond (like an invisible umbilical cord) between kids and their Moms. When we are off, many times the kids are unbalanced.
Using my Mom mojo means I have to continually sense her and how she is coping. This means putting down electronics when I'm home, sitting down and having conversations to learn about what is going on in their lives and what she is thinking. Without this consistent interaction, I can't sense what for her.
I've also learned about putting up boundaries. This takes lots of mojo! Like any human, we try to push the limits - and do this repeatedly until we are given a boundary. This fall my daughter was explosive, talking down at me and forcibly yelling at me. I asked her to leave the house until she could treat me with respect. For two weeks she lived with her father. When she moved back in the house, her demeanor completely changed. Since then we've had the best relationship we've ever had. She's appreciative and thankful of me and shockingly motivated to help around the house. Telling her to leave the house was the hardest thing I've done as a Mom - but the best thing I did for our relationship. It took mojo to speak up and act, but it was well worth it.
Finally, I've learned to be gentle with myself. I'm figuring things out daily and I mess up tons. I'm far from being a perfect mom. But, I'm doing the best I can do. And...that's the whole point. To try every day. That's all I can do. It takes mojo to not get down on myself when I falter.
So what is Mom Mojo? It's a mom's ability to be strong and grounded for her pack no matter the situation, it's her ability to sense what is best for her pack, it's the confidence she has within to put up boundaries to garnish respect and appreciation, it's being kind to oneself and living day by day.
Sending Love and Appreciation, Celestia